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"The only constant is change". Change is something that affects
us all in our lives some more serious and impacting than others.
Moving house, changing jobs, redundancy, divorce, losing a loved
one, death, they all affect us in different ways and our ability
to cope varies from the type of person we are, to how strong we
feel at the time, what else is going on for us at the time and
our level of stress.
Whenever we experience change we all go through a natural
response curve that will vary according to speed and intensity
from person to person.
Essentially there are six main stages to this curve.
Shock and Denial - often when we first hear the news or are
impacted by change we experience shock, denial, confusion, fear,
numbness and blame. How often do you hear people say "I can't
believe this is happening" or appear cold, unemotional and not
react when they first hear the news?
Anger/Resistance - this often follows on after the initial
shock. Frustration, anxiety, irritation, embarrassment and
shame. Wanting to take it out on someone else or blame someone
for the situation you're in.
Dialogue/Bargaining - as we start to come to terms with the
situation we are more likely to be able to talk about it. Often
the healing part of the process happens when we are willing to
talk about what's happened. It really does help. Many people who
have been through change and emotional upheaval find it helps to
share their experience with others either in a support group or
with a professional.
Depression - at the bottom of the curve comes a sense of
overwhelm and helplessness. This may result in a complete
inability to function and no energy or motivation to do
anything. People may withdraw into themselves - physically and
mentally and switch off emotionally.
Acceptance - when you're ready to move on you are more able to
accept what has happened, start to explore new options and put
plans in place for the future. It becomes easier to think more
positively and this in itself has a beneficial effect.
Return to normality - while 'normality' may not be possible in
some cases of loss, once you have accepted the situation, moving
forward to a more secure and meaningful existence is once again
possible.
What you also find is that you will swing to and fro within the
change curve and may pass through certain stages more quickly
than others. Some people stay stuck at a particular point
because they don't know how to move on and this can hold them
back for months and even years and stops them from . You may
also find yourself going backward as you adjust to the change
before finally being able to move forward.
If you're going through a period of change - I hope that this
helps you to recognise where you are and that it's OK to feel
all these emotions. If you're having trouble dealing with a
significant change and what's significant to you may not be
significant to others - then don't be afraid to put your hand up
and ask for help and support. That may be from your partner,
friends or a professional. The quicker you learn to deal with
your emotions, the quicker you will be able to move on and grow
stronger as a result.
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