What to Do When the Green Eyed Monster Roars
Sarah Love
Everyone has a past of some kind - an ex-wife, ex-girlfriend or girl FRIENDS that they have had some kind of relationship with. If you are human, then more than likely you have felt some kind of jealousy over these relationships that your current man has.
There are all kinds of instances when we can feel jealousy. Perhaps you are at the bar and you see your boyfriend talking to another woman. Or maybe your date is openly staring at a beautiful girl across the room. Maybe he even cheated on you and you found out.
Jealousy is certainly a horrible emotion - it has pain, anger, fear, revulsion and even guilt mixed into it sometimes. And that is regardless of whether the jealousy is founded or unfounded. You can't help it, it is just THERE and eating away at you.
Let's look at two types of jealousy - founded and unfounded. Jealousy that is reasonable would be when your boyfriend or husband has cheated on you. Jealousy that is NOT reasonable is getting mad about him mentioning his ex-girlfriend, or running into her in the store.
The kind of jealousy that is rational, though, would be like you feeling jealous because he cheated on you. This is totally rational - and - is a sign that there is something amiss in your relationship, and you AND HE need to work on that thing right away. If he is not willing to work on this with you, then he is NOT the right man for you, and you need to pull your stakes and leave.
What your emotions are telling you that you may not understand at that point is that he is making you feel like a second class citizen in your relationship. This lack of balance is difficult to deal with, and if it is not corrected, will lead to a lopsided relationship - where perhaps you are doing all the giving or all the taking. Those relationships don't last.
The imaginary situation or past occurrence is what leads to the second type of jealousy. Let's say you are jealous because your man ran into his old girlfriend at the mall the other day. Everyone has a past. Everyone had relationships with someone other than you at some point in their life. That is no cause for a negative reaction on your part, and will only hurt your relationship and show him that he cannot trust YOU when he tells you things.
In cases like this, your emotions are sending up a signal to your brain that all is not well within you. These are signs of emotional insecurity and fear. This is when you need to stop what you are doing and take a look inside to see what the true root of this jealousy is. Perhaps you have been hurt before and are acting defensively, or perhaps you are afraid of the unknown.
There is also a jealousy about things that have not even HAPPENED yet. This is also an emotion founded in fear and insecurity. This happens when you see your man having a conversation or something with another woman and you instantly get jealous, imagining all sorts of wrongs. When this happens to you, you need to reach down deep again and dig out exactly what it is that you are afraid of.
There are cases where jealousy is justifiable and valid and cases where it is not. In each case, you must get to the root of the problem, as jealousy is a symptom of a deeper hurt that must be healed in order for the relationship to evolve.
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