The Well Dressed Groom - Jewish Style
What will this year's well dressed groom be wearing? The latest
Giorgio Armani three piece suit? Or perhaps, a custom tailored
tuxedo?
Undoubtedly, he might. But if it's a traditional Jewish marriage
ceremony, chances are, when he's standing under the wedding
canopy, he will be decked out in the same outer garment his
ancestors have worn for centuries.
This is the "kittel", a white linen ceremonial robe worn over
his regular suit. A brief look at the usage and meaning of this
historic garment will not only help us understand it's ageless
significance, but it will also give us deeper insight into the
mystery and wonder of the Jewish wedding ceremony itself.
The kittel (Yiddish for gown) is worn at four critical occasions
in the Jewish lifecycle. Each event marks a period of transition
and transformation in the wearer's life.
On Passover eve, we sit down at our dinner table to read the
Haggadah. With passionate involvement we relive and retell the
story of our exodus from Egyptian bondage.
On this night of remembrance and celebration the head of the
family wears a kittel. We acknowledge our passage from darkness
to light, from exile to redemption, from slavery to freedom. On
this sacred occasion we become free men.
On Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish year, a day when
the Creator grants us forgiveness from all our sins, we also
wear a kittel.
Yom Kippur is a day when we aspire to start a clean slate. We
refrain from eating and drinking, and other physical pursuits,
and devote ourselves to prayer, repentence, and spiritual
stocktaking. We leave behind our former selves and ascend to the
level of angels. It is a time of new beginnings.
The bride and groom, on their wedding day also fast. They recite
prayers from the Yom Kippur service and commit to leading a
lifestyle in harmony with traditional Jewish teachings and
values.
Our sages teach us, that in a certain respect, our wedding day
is even holier than Yom Kippur. On Yom Kippur one may acquire
atonement only for himself. On his wedding day, however, the
groom may receive forgiveness, not only for himself, but for
those close to him as well.
On this holy day of their wedding, the bride and groom begin a
new life. Spiritually as well as physically.
Finally, the kittel is worn at our burial. It thus serves as a
gentle reminder, during the wedding, of life's fleeting
mortality and lends a touch of solemnity to an event, where
unbridled joy, may otherwise know no bounds.
It's important to note that the kittel is white, a sign of
purity and happiness. In addition, it has no pockets. This is to
remind the groom, that when we leave this world, we take nothing
with us other than the good deeds we have accumulated throughout
our lifetime.
In conclusion, I am reminded of the story of the young groom to
be, who upon purchasing his kittel asked the elderly shopkeeper,
if there was anything else he needed for his wedding.
"Yes", replied the shopkeeper, "don't forget patience, respect,
and love. And above all always remember to be a 'mentsh'"( a
caring, considerate person ).
Certainly good advice for all grooms, young and old alike.
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