Whenever someone asks me to do a favor, take on a responsibility
complete a task, help with a chore, my knee-jerk reaction is to
say "Yes, sure!" While it would be interesting to discover
whether this comes from conditioning, a desire to please, or a
sense of wanting to contribute, in the end it, that's not the
question I really need to answer.
What really matters is whether my saying "yes" is serving me
well or not!
Sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't. How do I know the
difference and, just as vitally, how do I say "no" when it
doesn't?
If what I'm saying "yes" to is fun for me, is an opportunity
(which means something that has little risk, and a good chance
of paying off in some way in the near future), rather than a
possibility (something which involves more risk as to whether
and when it will bring fruit) I'm more likely to participate.
Sometimes I have to take a closer look to get a feel for things.
If it feels like an obligation that isn't going to be fun or pay
off in some way, if I've already got too much on my plate and am
feeling overwhelmed or if I'm doing it just to curry someone's
favor, feel important, or not have to deal with turning someone
down, I know I have to start thinking about how I'm going to say
"no".
How do you say no? Or do you? There are many styles of saying
"no", and many ways of "languaging" it. The important thing is
to do it in a way that feels like it's your words, and that you
really mean what you say. Fear that you'll feel guilty about
saying "no" or that others will think badly of you? Have you
felt that way about other people who have politely turned down
your requests for assistance? Possibly so, but more than likely
not.
Is it costing you more to say "yes" than "no"? What are the
costs and how do you balance them? It's all very individual, and
some- thing you must determine for yourself.
I'm offering a free teleclass on the subject if you'd like to
learn more. See more information below, under "Wanna Be Happy?
Be SELFISH!"
I'd love to hear from you with your thoughts about and
experiences with expectations, if you'd care to share them with
me.
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