“Slowly, slowly, walk the path
and you might never stumble or fall.
Slowly, slowly walk the path
and you might never fall in love at all.”
From Golden Golden
By Andy M Stewart
In Corrogue I slowly walk the path between discipline and surrender.
The longer I walk this path the deeper the expectation that what I ask for will be received. I no longer put limits on how this receiving will come about. I now simply allow it to arrive. I learn the paradox of asking for more because I want and need less.
When I trained as a healer it was a period of great change in my life. I had worked as an Accountant for thirty years. It took the death of a beloved sister to have me wake up. So I chose to walk more quickly and risk that I might stumble and fall. And fall and stumble I did.
During the opening year of this change of direction I wrote a lot of poetry. Some of this poetry I keep. Some of it I even perform when I am graced the opportunity. One poem intrigues people above others. It is a poem called “The House of Union.” In fact, it is the last line of this poem that intrigues people the most. This poem ends with the line “afraid of being loved too much.”
My counselling friends would quiz me. They would ask, “Tony, how can you be afraid of being loved too much?” At the time I wasn’t quite sure how to answer. It didn’t seem logical although I felt the line was right for me at the time.
As I have walked this path of discipline and surrender this line “afraid of being loved too much,” has unfolded slowly. Now the beauty of this line begins to quicken. It begins to unveil its meaning to the one who wrote it some years before. It begins to become a perfume that I wear with honour and gladness.
There are times in all our lives when we are not sure if the ground beneath our feet will hold us up. To learn to be happy is to “hazard” ourselves in the world. This is advice from the beautiful poet David Whyte. He is a radical poet who takes poetry into the boardrooms of multinational companies. If we do not risk we might walk on this wonderful mother earth and never come home to the beauty of who we truly are.
Now I can say I am less “afraid of being loved too much.”
There has been a movement toward allowing love “to be” and to flow through a more surrendered heart. I am more prepared to allow this body to be the dance. This movement opens up the flow of feelings. There are tears. These are tears of sorrow and tears of joy. Yet I would have it no other way.
When you are less afraid of “being loved too much,” the universe pours into you. You simply ask for what is the highest good. You do not ask from a sense of “wanting.” This is asking from a place of “lack.” You ask and you trust. You ask and you wait.
You ask knowing that infinite patience brings instant results. You do the work that is needed with intention and attention to the highest good. You surrender the fruits of the action. You trust in “love in action” and it comes. How it comes is not for you to know. It is simply for you to allow.
I find this process more and more miraculous. I find it less and less surprising that the experiences and needs that I express daily are fulfilled more and more quickly.
As readers of this ezine know I am presently engaged with a love for symbols. These symbols I am engaged with connect me to my Celtic Heritage. I am deepening my love for them. They begin to speak to me in ways I might never have imagined.
Out on this “acre of diamonds” that is Corrogue I am intent on building a raised bed in the form of a Celtic cross. I have a clear idea how I will build the lines of the cross but not the circle. Yesterday I got my circle. It is in the form of a large caterpillar track that came of my friend Michael’s mini digger.
I hadn’t thought about it as a possible frame for a circle until Charlie who was helping us lay a foundation at the old school house said, “Tony, can’t you use that caterpillar track in your garden?” All these people know how I love to recycle material that would otherwise disappear into landfill. So in one week I have what I asked for in a way I would never have imagined.
To quote another line from a beautiful song by Paul McCartney, “Maybe I’m amazed at the way you love me all the time.” In fact, I know I am amazed. I begin to take to heart the fact that the Beloved loves me. This is not “little me” in any ego sense but the essence of who I am. This “who I am” is a nobody that is wondrous beyond measure because he is simply a part of it all.
I think that so many of us are truly afraid of "being loved too much."
We are like batteries. Each of us will only allow ourselves to take a certain charge of energy. This is particularly true of the energy of love. We can only contain the level of love energy we are comfortable with. If we allowed ourselves to be loved the way the Beloved loves us it would literally blow our minds.
When you begin to walk the path of discipline and surrender you are graced more and more of the “real life.” This is not the life of “little me.” It is the life of flow. This flow is the power of love. When you get out of the way the Blessing is here. You get what you need and all you really need is love. Then you know that you are always enough.
When you let go and let be you begin to manifest surprises.
Life is no longer routine. You find there are banquet moments lying all around. You are presented with fullness and emptiness and you treat them equally. You become the crazy diamond you are and you shine on. You “sail into the mystic.” You enter the feeling experience that allows you to know who you are. You know that you are never apart and can never be apart from love.
Be careful, however, along this path.
Be careful that what you ask for because you will surely receive it. One time you may glimpse. Then you will not be “afraid of being loved too much.” You will know that you and love are one. You have come home. This is enough.
The Blessing is already here and you are it.
© Tony Cuckson 2005
Tony Cuckson is a Writer, Storyteller and Anam Cara This
translates as “Anam” meaning Soul and “Cara” meaning
Friend. He is the writer of “Blessings for the Soul.” and author
of the weekly ezine "Blessings for YOU." Get this free weekly
ezine giving delight to the heart. Subscribe to this ezine for
free at http://www.irishblessingsmatter.com or request a free
subscription via email totony@irishblessingsmatter.com
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