Have you ever felt paralyzed or crippled by fear? As a
businesswoman, producer, and model through my various
business ventures, I’ve felt fearful from time to time. And I’m
sure that, like me, you’ve found that you can accomplish little
when you’re afraid -- and almost nothing if you let fear of
what might happen seize you. Fear freezes the mind,
erases possibilities and clouds opportunities; and it makes
most matters we’re fearful about seem disproportionately
greater than our ability to deal with them.
However, I’ve learned that you and I have the ability to put
fear in its rightful place -- a place where we don’t have to
stay. Yet sometimes situations we’re frightened about have
to get worse before things can get better. Sometimes not
until something or someone hurts us and/or wounds us
badly or deeply enough do we realize that we have to go
beyond fear to make a change.
I remember vividly some of the most unpleasant challenges
I’ve had to face to earn respect and defeat fear. In 1987, I
moved from my homeland, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, to
Vancouver, Canada, to continue high school for
post-secondary education. I found myself a stranger there --
a funny looking "foreign" girl with a bad haircut and poor
English skills. And soon, I became the prime target for the
supposedly "cool" high school kids around me to
antagonize. And believe me, they did their best to make my
life miserable. I couldn’t hide from them; they seemed to be
everywhere, taunting me. They’d throw objects at me from
behind my back; they’d push and trip me when I wasn’t
looking. They’d sabotage my every chance to be part of any
extra school activity I wanted to pursue; they’d point at me
and laugh, call me names, and torment me in countless
other ways, too.
But because I was extremely unfamiliar with Canadian
culture and lifestyles, and for fear that I might say or do
something wrong, I decided I’d just tolerate the situation.
Though I was already a competitive martial arts fighter in the
process of earning my second black belt in Karate, (a sport
I’ve been involved in since I was eight years old), I didn’t feel
that I should utilize those skills. Again, I feared I might
provoke my tormentors further and possibly even incite them
to extend harm to my family.
So during most of those high school years I allowed
emotions like fear, loneliness, anxiety, anger and sadness
to consume me. Yet eventually even those feelings,
however negative, forced me to find courage to turn my
situation in positive directions, and as a result I can now
help others in similar circumstances to do the same.
I decided that every time my tormentors tried to start a fight
with me, I would look each of them in the eyes and just
calmly walk away. What worse could happen than that
they’d push me, laugh and call me names? However, one
afternoon, things did turn worse.
That afternoon I felt a couple of small objects hit the back of
my head. As usual, bursts of laughter behind my back
followed, and I continued on my way, refusing to even
acknowledge this petty behavior. But this time I made no
effort to keep my eyes on my tormentors as I walked away.
Suddenly one of them decided to run up and strike me in the
left eye. In an instant, I realized that she had crossed a
boundary and endangered a vital organ of my body, and this
I simply couldn’t ignore. Before she could blink, with a
crowd of students as my witnesses, I unleashed a kick that
dropped her to the ground. Quickly, two of her friends
leaped at me to defend her. Soon they, too, were picking
themselves up, and then all three made a run for it, leaving
me standing there. Now I began to feel the throbbing pain
in my left eye -- and discovered that it was bleeding.
For many years, I’d tried to avoid confrontations with my
tormentors. But that afternoon they’d made confrontation
inevitable, and I had put fear aside and finally let them know
who I truly was. Now I wondered what the consequences of
my retaliation would be.
Shortly after the fight I was called into the principal’s office.
There I was told that the three girls who started the fight had
been suspended from school. The other students who’d
witnessed the encounter had reported the story of the attack
and my self-defense. Luckily for me, they all supported my
actions. I was free to return to class unpunished.
After that day, things took a clear turn for the better. My
"tormentors" stopped harassing me; from then on they only
looked away whenever I passed by them. When a new
school year began, some of them left to attend different
schools, though some of them remained at my school.
Some of them even stopped being each other’s friends --
and others decided to start greeting me with smiles. That
year -- my last -- in high school, I finally was able to make
some good friends, direct numerous extracurricular
activities, coach the basketball and volleyball teams and
even serve as captain of the cheerleading squad.
As my life has unfolded since then, throughout my varied
career I’ve had many fortunate opportunities to assist
diverse groups of women through some of their own
challenging moments in life. Of course, through these
experiences, I’ve broadened my own knowledge about
career, socializing, love, relationships, family and much
more. Along the way I’ve been able, in turn, to assist,
inspire and empower a great number of women along their
journeys in life, for which they’ve pointedly thanked me in
one way or another. And whether they know it or not, their
exercise of courage that made their lives better, plus their
trust in me, have been all the thanks I’ve ever needed.
They’ve truly inspired me to constantly grow, transform and
become a better person.
A few years ago, while I was out of town, Lidiya, an assistant
in one of the companies I founded, hired two new recruits to
join our team. She formally introduced me to them when I
returned from my trip. One recruit happened to be a chief
"tormentor" of mine from high school.
She didn’t recognize me until Lidiya introduced me by my
first and last names. Then, my former tormentor’s jaw
dropped and her face froze. But I reached out and shook
her hand and welcomed her to our team. Later, she
approached me abashedly and tried to apologize for what
had happened in the past. I told her not to worry; it was
quite all right with me. To help her feel comfortable, I then
took her out for lunch. When we got back to the office, I
jokingly told her, "Get back to work now!" and we laughed
together. Since then, she’s become one of my most
cherished workers.
Can you see how learning to make the best of every
situation, including that painful one at school, has led me to
discover something great -- that courage begins with
character? Courage not only means being able to do
something new, it also means being able to be someone
new. The ultimate measure of a person is not where they
stand in moments of comfort, but where they stand in times
of challenge and controversy. I’ve come to learn that
growing into a good, solid character requires rising to levels
of self-esteem that so many of us doubt we have.
One way by which you can enhance your own self-esteem is
to do as I did, and make it really clear to those around you
who you truly are. When you know who you truly are, and act
based on who you truly are, you’ll realize, as I did back then
in high school, that no one can harm you unless you choose
to keep them around and allow them to trouble you.
Copyright © 2005 Penny Phang Enterprises, Inc. All rights
reserved.
Penny Phang is one of Canada's nominated Top 40 Under
40 business leaders, recognized for her commitment to
provide strategic business services with inspiring
enthusiasm, creativity, and elegance. She is also well
known as the Producer for Playboy Special Editions for
Western Canada. In addition, she remains involved in
full-service business communications with her founded
Simplex Communications Group, and continues to write for
her monthly inspirational lifestyle column, Moments of
Inspiration with Penny. Miss Phang's experiences are not
limited to the business world. She holds two black belts in
Karate and was a member of the West Coast Warriors
National Karate Team. She’s also a former Top 20 Special
Editions Celebrity Model whose inspiring personality has
been transformed into "Penny" the 3-D animated character
for Electronic Arts' Def Jam Vendetta video game.
For more
information go to:
http://www.phangenterprises.com/
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