The rate of new love and marriages is rising as fast as the divorce rate. That forces the question – are people really falling in love? If they are then why is the divorce rate so high? Isn’t love enough? Where is the commitment? Love and marriage are still important to people. So what is the deal? Why is the divorce rate still climbing?
Love and marriage happens everyday but that’s not true for every one. Perhaps most people don’t really give themselves a chance to fall in love for the right reasons. One reason for this is that people don’t really get to know each other before having sex, making a commitment and getting married, all in that wrong order. When a couple begins dating both people are usually on there best behavior. In other words, they have put up a front or façade. This can continue for a while. People don’t really get to see the actual character of a person sometimes until after about a year or so. This is because during the dating phase you won't get into situations together that will test what you are made of.
How long before love and marriage should you date? How do you know if you should make a commitment?
After about a year when the newness of the relationship is wearing off couples begin to face more of life’s situations together. They begin to see how one another react under stress and handle situations outside the dating scene bubble. This is time you should decide if love and marriage and a commitment is what you want with this person. This is the time you will find out what the other person is made of in tough situations.
Sex
If you have been able to abstain from sex in the relationship you are better prepared to make clear good decisions. Sex will cause you to overlook or ignore things that may be important to you. Sex itself in not enough of a reason to get married. Sex certainly can't hold it all together for you.
Love and marriage is one of the most important commitments you will ever make. Abstinence is not a popular dating tip for men and women these days, but it is a good dating tip. From your first date until your last date, if you don’t marry, should be conducted with respect to each other. If he/she is not willing to abstain with you he/she is probably not the one you are looking for. If it turns out that you are not compatible with the person you are seeing you should leave the goods undamaged (emotional goods). That means you should be able to get to know one another without making the sexual connection so that if you get to the point where you decide to end the relationship the emotional pain is minimized. Sometimes couples end up getting married simply because they have been having sex.
The plus side to arriving at love and marriage through getting to know one another, and abstaining from sex is that you will have been able to make sound decisions about your relationship without the influence of sex. You will know what it is you love about your mate and why you want to marry them. None of your feelings of love will be rooted in sex.
Love
Sex is a truly unstable foundation for a relationship because it is not designed to be so. In love you have patience, kindness, the absence of jealousy, pride and boastfulness. In love there no rudeness. Love does not demand it's own way. Love is not easily irritated and doesn't keep a record of wrongs done against it. Love is never glad about injustice and always rejoices when truth wins. Love never gives up. This is the kind of strength you want as the foundation of a relationship. If you have these things in place then after marriage sex will function as the tool of intimacy it was meant to be.
Sex outside marriage
If however you find yourself engaging in sex before you see the function of true love, and, before marriage you will have tainted any chance of ever knowing for sure if you are getting married for the right reasons. You can' t be sure if your new mate will be faithful to you.
Sex is a powerful connection meant for marriage. Outside of marriage it has the power to destroy relationships instead of enhancing them. How many marriages have ended because of infidelity? Sex can be addictive. How many people do you know who have developed such a taste for sex before marriage that they can't be faithful to the person they are married to? Remaining abstinent will help you determine if you are with a person who is in control of him/herself.
Love and marriage is not for the faint hearted. It is hard enough to build a relationship and keep your commitment. So, why don’t you begin your time together the right way? Give your relationship time. Abstain from sex outside of marriage in order to keep your ability to make clear and right decisions about the relationship. In doing so you will ensure that you are getting married for the right reason - the stable foundation of love and not the unstable foundation of sex.
Tony L Tate - a regular contributer to On line dating, a web site offering tips and advice for online dating and relationships.
http://www.1-online-dating.com
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