Buying a home is a stressful and emotional affair. You can avoid
the home buying blues by keeping your cool at closing.
I've just come from a settlement table at which a friend bought
a new condo. It's beautiful, convenient and just what she
wanted. However, at the settlement table she and a relative whom
she clearly loves got into a tiff with each other. What should
have been a happy occasion was almost spoiled. Thank heavens
they got themselves together and the situation was saved, but
arguments and hurt feelings are frequent at settlement tables
and on moving day. It doesn't have to be that way.
The Trauma of Change
Changing one's home is right up there with the big changes in
life - birth, death, divorce, and retirement. Most of us
recognize the trauma of the first three. Many of us recognize
the need to prepare mentally and emotionally for retirement. Few
of us realize how badly buying and moving into a new home frays
our nerves and shortens our tempers. It can have serious
consequences. I've seen deals blow up, and almost blow up,
because of it. (Sometimes the protagonists are the buyer and
seller.)
Mitigating Moves
There are a number of things you can do to ensure that the day
you buy or sell your home is calm, sane and happy. Let's
consider some of them. Some are easy. Some harder. You're apt to
think of some which will be unique to you and your family.
First of all, simply realizing that these are flash points and
discussing it with family members is a good starting point.
There are many decisions to be made and much work to be done.
Life is about to change for everyone who is a party to the
process. It helps to just acknowledge that you'll need to work
together so that it's a good experience for everyone in the end.
Remember the expression, "I need to take a deep breath and get
my equilibrium back." Clue in family members when you feel the
tension rise.
Get a good night's sleep the night before the settlement. Have a
good, unrushed breakfast. Have someone you know well look after
small children and pets until after settlement; you don't need
distractions during a large financial transaction.
At settlement, ask questions about anything you don't
understand. Use a quiet, neutral voice. Don't sound like you are
accusing someone of something. Simply ask for information and
clarity. Don't feel rushed. Take the time to understand. Many of
the arguments I've seen at the settlement table happened because
someone assumed something and didn't ask about it. They just
pitched into an irritated tirade. Not a good idea.
What if your questions turn up an unexpected and unacceptable
answer? Let it be known that you expected it to be handled
another way and why. Listen to any explanation calmly. Evaluate
it. Does the other person have a valid point? How much
difference does it make to you? Remember, it isn't necessary to
have everything exactly as you'd like in order to have the
transaction go well for you. Keep the big picture in mind. You
don't have to be right about everything, nor do you have to win
every point in order to be pleased with the final outcome.
Whether you call it settlement or closing, the final meeting
will be stressful even if absolutely everything goes perfectly.
Make sure you get through it by minimizing the stress.
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