My husband Bill and I have just had our 37th-wedding anniversary and our love is deeper today than when we got married. Whether you are in a relationship or looking for a relationship we trust that these few insights will help you to stay in love.
1. Keep your love growing by giving both love and respect
According to www.loveandrespect.com, “Love is a woman’s deepest need and respect is man’s deepest need. I believe this is based on the Bible.”
"Nevertheless, let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband." Ephesians 5:33
In other words, a wife needs to feel loved and a husband needs to feel respect. Without love she reacts, and without respect he reacts. When we got married I made a resolution to always endeavour to respect Bill, which included never putting him down in public. I believe this has been one of the secrets to the success of our marriage. Today many women feel that their husband or partner does not deserve their respect so they don’t give it. Without that respect the husband either withdraws or gets angry and they wonder why. When a woman does not receive love from her husband or partner she reacts by nagging and being critical. Don’t wait until you feel your partner deserves to be loved or respected for while you continue in the no respect –no love cycle, you both will continue to react as your needs are not being met. Love and respect go hand in hand for a good relationship.
2. Keep your love growing by making adjustments
As we journey through life there are always adjustments to be made. We’re all faced with changes from time to time. Being ill will no doubt create change, moving from one job to another or one house to another involves change, having children means a lot of change has to be made! And we all need to grow in love by changing our destructive habits. There is hope in any relationship if one is prepared to be honest with themselves and change.
What does adjusting involve when we are faced with change? It means carefully thinking about what is necessary to meet the needs of the other.
The good book says, ‘Look for one another’s interests and not just your own.’ (Philippians 2:4) Thinking of only yourself and not being prepared to meet the needs of the other kills a relationship. It’s called selfishness!
3. Keep your love growing by meeting each other’s needs
We can express and receive love through either acts of service, the giving of gifts, words of affirmation, spending quality time with each other or by physical touch. For a good relationship we need all five but you will find one or two that are more predominate in your partner.
A husband who does the dishes, fixes things around the house, cares for the maintenance of the yard and car (Acts of Service) does not understand it when his wife says, "You never hug me." (Physical Touch). Or, "Why don't you spend time with me? “ (Quality Time). Or, "You never buy me flowers?" (Gifts) Or, "You never encourage me?" (Words of Affirmation) But, if her expression of love is Acts of Service, she'll feel so loved because her husband does so many things for her. When you discover the best way your partner wants to express and receive love your whole world will look right and you both will rise to a new level.
I give Bill hugs and encouragement several times a day because he likes Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch. I like it when he shows his love to me by Acts of Service, doing the dishes and fixing things around the house. Accept your partner for whom they are and do not try to change them to be like you. I had to learn that lesson early in our marriage!
Let’s look at three of these love expressions in more depth: encouragement, quality time and showing affection.
1. Quality time
The most loving thing you can do is to give someone your undivided attention. When you pay attention you are saying, you matter to me. You are giving them a slice of your life by giving them your time. When Bill and I first met we wanted to be with each other all the time. He had my attention! I’m sure that was the same for you when you first met your lover. To have and develop a successful relationship you need to give your undivided attention to the other person. Bill and I love being together, we really miss each other when we are apart. It’s because we have taken time for each other. Number one enemy of romance is business. You have to make time for each other to meet each other’s emotional needs.
2. Words of encouragement
Build each other up by affirming his/her value, strengths and work. The Bible says, “Encourage each other every day while it is day.” Hebrews 3:13a NCV
A word of encouragement can change someone’s countenance.
3. Show affection
A way to express our love is through showing affection. ‘Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other.’ (Romans 12:10)
Often a relationship lacks several of these expressions of love: acts of service, the giving of gifts, words of affirmation, spending quality time with each other or by physical touch – many times it is because the partner was not mentored while growing up in how to express love in different ways. Expressing love can be learned! With your acceptance, love, respect and majoring on his/her preferred expression of love, you will find your love will grow. You both will rise to a new level and see new expressions of love emerging.
International traveller, author, and speaker, Wilma Watson has been helping people overcome life’s challenges for over 35 years. Her encouraging words have helped thousands reach their full potential. Wilma is the producer of a unique website that makes spirituality fun and simple. Visit her site at http://www.ydyc.org
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