School bullies are manipulators. They are masters at confusing students as well as adults. But with these masters of manipulation, we must always look at the big picture! Hardcore bullies will often try to confuse the issue when being confronted with their bullying behavior. They will blame their victim for the incident that happened between them. They will bring up small transgressions that the victim may have made and try to make them seem huge. For example, maybe the victim told them to “Shut Up” and the hardcore bully will make this seem like a huge insult the him or her when in reality the hardcore bully has threatened or cursed at the victim, and the victim was just trying to defend himself or herself. This Smoke Screen technique is one of the hardcore bullies most successful deflecting attempts because it is easy for school staff to get caught up in the details of the incident at hand. And, the hardcore bullies are experts at throwing up the smoke screen. But through much success and failure at working to resolve the bullying situation, I force myself to look at the big picture with the hardcore bully and not be deflected by the smoke screen. In other words, I look at the overall pattern and large number incidents the hardcore bully has participated in vs. the small number of incidents the victim has been involved in – if any. I don’t give the bully a clean slate in every incident – I believe the best way to stop bullying is to deal with it on a cumulative level – not each incident individually. Hardcore bullies are experts at throwing up a smoke screen and making a “mountain out of a molehill” when they have been wronged but minimizing any wrong that they may have done to another student. But, now you will be able to see through the “haze.” Paula McCoach invites you to subscribe to the Bully Zapper Newsletter published weekly with tons of tips on how to effectively deal with bullies in elementary and middle school. You will receive a free special report for your subscription. To subscribe, go to http://www.bullyzapper.com ©2005 Permission granted to reprint this article in print or on your web site so long as the paragraph above is included and contact information is provided to the email coach@bullyzapper.com and http://www.bullyzapper.com Paula McCoach invites you to subscribe to the Bully Zapper Newsletter published weekly with tons of tips on how to effectively deal with bullies in elementary and middle school. You will receive a free special report for your subscription. To subscribe, go to http://www.bullyzapper.com
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