Anyone tired of online dating? I have heard that over 40 million
people in the USA alone will log onto an online dating or
matchmaking website during the course of a year. You would think
with that many single people it would be like shooting ducks in
a barrel.. Wrong! As a 49 year old man, with a 16 year old son,
being single has been an absolute nightmare to say the least.
The only thing worse than online dating is in- person dating.
All joking aside, The fact of the matter is that at my age I am
too old to go the bars and nightclubs filled with men and women
young enough to be my children. Even if I did go out, what would
be the point? Time and maturity (and wrinkles and gray hair)
have made that not an appealing option. I have another problem.
I am self-employed, and work out of my home which is very
isolated. I don't even have to get dressed let alone dressed up.
Moreover, I am incurably shy. I was the one that made the girl
ask me to dance in high school and even then tried to get out of
it.
On the good side, I have diagnosed the problems pretty well.
The internet craze and subsequent birth of online dating in
early 1999, was like a Godsend. For me it was a no-brainer. I
had nothing to lose, except possibly $19.95 which could be
refundable if I were a totally dissatisfied client. At that time
I had just filed for divorce and was separated so I joined one
of the leading dating sites. It was very easy to join, I simply
filled out a questionnaire about my age, eye and hair color,
height, weight, body type etc. At that time, I was actually
truthful about my age which was 42. I also wrote a profile about
my hobbies, work, interests and also the qualities I wanted in a
woman. I had a fairly recent picture which I scanned and then
paid the money for a 30 day trial. Literally within minutes I
started receiving e-mails from women filled with compliments and
interest in getting to know me better. I remember thinking that
my dating worries were finally over. I was so excited I started
thinking about marriage, children, white picket fence..and
walking hand in hand into the sunset together. Here I was
waiting for beautiful, single, sexy women to contact me without
even leaving my home. It was unbelievable. That first couple of
weeks were unforgettable. I was getting about ten e-mails a day
from otherwise unattainable women living within just a few miles
of my home. They were the most flattering messages I had ever
seen. Some wanted to talk immediately and gave their numbers,
others actually wanted to meet in person that day! My divorce
wasn't even final yet! I was overwhelmed with all the attention
and adoration. I had not had this many women after me since the
time I accidentally walked into the girls bathroom in grade
school.
As with most of us when learning a new trade, I made many
blunders along the way. For one thing, I never kept files or any
sort of managed dating notes about all the conversations and
e-mail exchanges. I would jot down numbers and names on pieces
of scrap paper sitting next to the pile of papers on my messy
desktop. I was attempting to just shoot from the hip and see how
things went. Being memory challenged did not help either. I was
constantly losing names, numbers, and appointments. The problem
was I had too many women and not enough time. I was never the
type of guy that juggled women well, and I usually got caught if
I ever did anything worth getting caught over. I also have a
morality streak which does not allow me to lie to a person who I
know is trusting me. What I did have in my favor was some sales
genes inherited from my father, ample charm, and I cleaned up
pretty good. In the beginning due to the stigma attached to
?lonely hearts clubs? I decided to keep this new thing a secret
and just see if in fact I could actually find true love. If I
did find love I could make a pact to fabricate a good story as
to how we met and no one would be the wiser.
After coming off the pink cloud I decided that even as shy as I
was, this was too good an opportunity to pass up so I started
meeting people within a few weeks of joining. After talking on
the phone, I made plans with a woman to meet at a nearby coffee
house. I remember I had seen her photo which was quite
attractive but I asked her what she would wear so I would not
need to look foolish as I entered the place. As I come into the
coffeehouse, I see my date out of the corner of my eye sitting
there waiting for me. She was huge! She saw me right away and
immediately greeted me with a hug. During our conversation she
said she had just broken up with her boyfriend and put on some
weight under the stress. Needless to say I was a little
disappointed but decided that maybe the rest would be better.
They were not.
One of the first words I learned about was ?chemistry?. This
apparently, is what every single woman MUST feel in order to
continue in a romantic path. In other words, if she does not
feel ?chemistry? within seconds of meeting you, you are out of
luck. I have heard several different definitions of the word,
but generally it has nothing to do with science. Here is
Webster's definition: a strong mutual attraction, attachment, or
sympathy <'they have a special chemistry?. The problem here is
that women don't allow it to be mutual. They have chemistry all
by themselves apparently. By their definition, men have
?chemistry? hundreds of times a day. I probably had chemistry
with several women just on my drive to the date. Men can have
chemistry with a magazine! This word has given me great pleasure
as I bring it up with all my dates to see how the ?chemistry? is
coming along. Usually this makes even more ?chemistry?.
What I did not realize, was that the women were also receiving
ten e-mails or more per day and so it was like a great big bar
scene with everyone looking around the room for something
better. I was just one of many men vying for the attention of
the same women. In addition, as I already knew, people were less
than honest in their personal assessment. All I had was a
picture and some words that may or may not be true. Many of the
people were still in long term relationships, others were
married, some did not really live nearby but actually were in
another country looking for a visa, others were just checking it
out. The photos are very tricky. They often are retouched, taken
from far away, or just plain outdated (no pun intended). Writing
a profile is an art form in and of itself. I have seen some
extremely well written bio's that really are impressive. They
are often witty, charming, eloquent, self-assured, and downright
funny. Reading them can make even the worst loser appear like
the one you want to bring home to meet your parents.
I have noticed over my long career of online dating that those
that know how to write a good profile and take a good photo are
the ones that succeed. However, remember ?if its too good to be
true? ?? This definitely applies here. Its wonderful to write a
great profile and take some photos that look like yourself on
the best day of your life 5 years ago, and then have fun
counting all the e-mails, but that misses the point and is the
reason online dating does not work. If we are all completely
honest, and take photos that look like us in the morning after
just waking up, we would get very few e-mails, and then not get
the ego boost or the entertainment of opening mail from
strangers of the opposite sex.
I have found that no one could possibly be that high on life
naturally, or that grammatically correct, or that witty, or
bubbly, or perfect and filled with such self worth as they
appear online. The forum does not lend itself to truth, reality,
or frailties.
I have finally mastered the online dating technique. Here's how
it works. You have a relationship with the woman of your dreams
that happens to live in another country far away. That is the
person you will marry some day in the future. So while you are
waiting, you get a professional photo, start going to the gym,
get teeth veneers, dye your hair, inject botox, and take
anti-aging drugs. Then in your profile tell everyone, you are a
millionaire, world traveler, model, who enjoys wine tasting,
travel, museums, art, fine restaurants, working out, opera,
expresso, the outdoors, theater, romantic dinners, sunsets,
adventure, live concerts, music, shopping, animals, seaside
resorts, dancing, Bar-B-Q's, sports, and feel just as
comfortable in a tuxedo as at home in blue jeans, never been
married, no children, but wants to get married and have
children. Now the fun part is knowing that you have absolutely
no interest in anyone who answers your ad because who could like
someone that easily bamboozled. . A word of advice: Try not to
buy into your own façade, and never admit your true age. Have
Fun!
http://www.cyberloveconnection.com
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