No matter how you slice it, the break up of any relationship
almost always leaves at least one person asking, "How did this
happen?"
The people who ask this question are the ones who fail to
recognize the warning signs that point to a relationship in
jeopardy. The reasons for which can range from being too
involved in the relationship to being too detached.
As they say, hindsight is always 20/20 vision. The insight and
wisdom you've gained, unfortunately, came in too late to do
something about saving the relationship.
But that doesn't have to be necessarily so, IF you are able to
identify the problem in its beginnings and take the proper steps
to address them.
So what are these warning signs? Below are some of the more
common relationship mistakes that you should be aware of so that
when they do come up, you're in a better position to do
something about it.
1. Cultivating false expectations. Nobody is perfect, and yet,
for some reason you may expect some people in your life to be
just that. So when they don't turn out to be the way you thought
they should be, you become disappointed and wonder what you ever
saw in them.
Now, it's very likely, that you never meant to set the bar so
high. But usually, this kind of expectation is set when the
person in question is someone you regard very highly, and
therefore idealize.
There is nothing wrong about thinking highly of someone, but
remember, that they, just like you, are only human capable of
making mistakes. So the earlier you incorporate this fact into
how you see people and their relationship to you, the better you
are at handling their shortcomings when they arise.
2. Assuming they will never change. As the old saying goes, "The
only constant thing in this world is change." This applies to
everything, including people. The person you now know may be
totally different five years from now. This is because events
and people in his/her life will affect how he/she is as a
person. Whether you like it or not, the people in your life will
go through changes and you should be prepared for that.
3. Leaving out interests and friends for that person. Some
people assume that for a relationship to grow strong, they need
to focus all their attention and energy on that one person.
Usually, what happens is that they lose time for other people in
their lives, shutting them out.
This is about as bad a move as you can make for yourself. You
are doubly at loss because the relationships that you've set
aside feel abandoned while the one you're focused on is
experiencing a lot of strain. It will only be a matter of time
when the person you've put so much time on will feel smothered
and wants to take time off from you. When that happens, you'll
find that there is hardly anyone to catch you because you've
left all the others out.
4. Conflicts are bad. The next time you run into an argument,
avoid the assumption that the relationship is immediately
doomed. Remember that the other person is someone different from
you and ultimately, will have a different set of opinions from
yours.
Given this, there will be disagreements, but that does not mean
that you cannot resolve it amiably. In fact, conflicts can help
the two of you develop a deeper relationship with each other
since you discover more things about that person. And as you
work around these conflicts a deeper bond is formed.
5. Believing that you need a relationship to become a complete
person. Develop the attitude that you can stand on your own two
feet and that you are complete regardless of whether you are in
a relationship with someone or not.
Do not allow a hole within yourself expecting someone else to
fill it for you. If you do, you go through life feeling
incomplete, leaving you jaded and unsatisfied. Be in control of
your needs and learn to be satisfied with who you are.
Relationships are meant to enrich something that is already
complete to begin with.
Being aware of these warning signs and taking the effort to
change will save you a whole lot of disappointment and grief.
You can only be a better person for it, which in turn, improves
your relationships with others. And that leads to a fuller, more
satisfying life for everyone concerned.
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