Did you know that most self confidence problems originate in
childhood? For this reason, it is particularly important to pay
attention to children's self confidence - in other words, to
help them develop self confidence. They will thank you for it
later in life!
To develop self confidence, one factor is more important than
all the others - unconditional love an approval. If you have
that, little else matters - though of course, instilling a sense
of self-discipline is also important. Love and approval are
right at the center of the confidence issue, though. This is how
we tell children that they are appreciated and that they are
perfect in exactly the way that they are. If we delay giving
approval, or if we appreciate our children for their potential
rather than for what they are right at the present moment, we
are setting the scene for serious self confidence issues down
the road. Many a well meaning parent has fallen into this trap.
It is very difficult to help your children develop self
confidence if you don't ahve good self-confidence yourself -
it's sort of like the blind leading the blind. Ideally, if you
yourself have issues with regard to self-confidence, you will
try to work them out. You can do this with therapy, or by
participating in a course, group or workshop, or just by
thinking, reading and working through your issues on your own.
We vary in our approach to issues like this. While therapy is
generally a great idea, some of us really do better exploring
problems on our own.
What happens if a parent has poor self confidence? The problem
is that we tend to project our own self-image onto our children.
Some people have a greater tendency than others to do this, but
no-one is completely immune to it. Then, if you are projecting
what you think of yourself onto your son or daughter,and you
have poor self confidence, the message you send out will be a
disapproving one. It's hard to develp self confidence under
those circumstances. Remember that you are you, and your child
is your child - he or she has a separate life with its own
unique set of challenges. Support your child in all of his or
her endeavors - that's what you're there for. While gentle
correction and an insistance on self-discipline is helpful,
disapproval isn't. Take a good look at your parenting, and do
your best to help your child develop self-confidence.
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