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http://www.innerbonding.comTitle: The Legacy of Sexual Abuse Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004 by
Margaret Paul URL:
http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 837
Category: Emotional Healing
The Legacy of Sexual Abuse Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
During the many years I've been counseling people, I’ve worked
with many people who were sexually abused as children. Some of
them remember it all their lives, while others repressed it and
remember it only as adults. In either case, the resulting harm
exists on many levels.
THE PHYSICAL LEVEL
If a child was violently abused, the physical pain may have been
so intense as to cause the person to not be able to function in
a normal way sexually as an adult. The fear of penetration or of
oral sex may cause the person to avoid sex entirely, or to be
too tense to actually enjoy sex.
However, even if the abuse was not violent and physical harmful,
the physical harm can be deep. A child’s body is not big enough
to handle the intense feelings of sexual arousal. When a child
is sexually activated at a young age, the child may be so
overwhelmed with the feelings that he or she ends up constantly
masturbating to find some relief. Incessant masturbation is one
of the symptoms of sexual abuse. As an adult, this could
translate into various forms sexual addiction.
THE EMOTIONAL LEVEL
The harm done on the emotional level is extensive. Sexual abuse
is a deep form of violation, and invariably leads to the child
feeling objectified. The child comes to see herself or himself
as an object to be used rather than as a person deserving of
caring. This objectification of the self can lead to promiscuity
at a young age, or to other forms of being used and abused.
One of the deepest levels of harm is that the child tends to
absorb the darkness of the abuser. The child, not knowing that
he or she is not causing the abuser to be abusive, takes on the
shame of the abuser. It is as if the darkness of the abuser goes
right into the child. As a result, the abused person grows up
with a feeling of being a very bad person, with a huge ball of
darkness within. Most survivors of childhood sexual abuse need
to go through a process of realizing that this darkness does not
belong to them and releasing it.
Children who have been sexually abused generally absorb many
false beliefs about themselves that can plague them throughout
their adult life - beliefs such as:
* I’ve been damaged beyond repair. I can never heal and be whole.
* I’m a bad person. I cause people to abuse me because of my
badness.
* All I’m good for is sex.
* The only way to be safe is to be invisible.
These false beliefs can cause untold heartache for the survivor
of sexual abuse.
THE SPIRITUAL LEVEL
Sexual abuse not only causes physical and emotional harm, it is
also causes spiritual harm. It is a form of spiritual abuse.
Spiritual abuse is any abuse that contributes to a disconnection
from a spiritual Source of love and comfort.
When a child is being abused by a trusted person, a person who
is supposed to protect the child such as a parent, relative,
teacher, religious leader, doctor, or friend, the child learns
that adults can’t be trusted. The deepest harm occurs when the
abuser is a parent. Most children learn to project onto God
their experience of their parents. If their parents are
judgmental, then they believe that God is judgmental. If their
parents are too busy for them, then they believe that God is too
busy for them. If their parents do not protect them or harm
them, they might conclude that God does not exist. “If God
existed, then why didn’t God stop my father from raping me?”
Some children leave their bodies when being severely abused.
Invariably, with therapeutic help, they can remember that they
were lovingly held by a spiritual teacher and told that the
abuse was not their fault. Much healing occurs with these
memories. They can remember knowing that they were being helped
by God, even though, due to the law of free will, God could not
stop the abuser from abusing them.
Reconnecting on the spiritual level is the key to healing on the
physical and emotional levels. Through connection with Spirit,
abuse survivors learn that they are not irrevocably damaged,
that they are not inherently bad and did not cause themselves to
be abused, that they can share much more than sex - they can
share their love and compassion, and that they can create their
own safety rather than be invisible as a way to be safe. Their
false beliefs are healed through the truth that comes from their
spiritual connection.
Learning to be a loving and compassionate adult with oneself is
the major challenge for an abuse survivor. Deep healing occurs
when survivors learn to see and value the beauty of their own
soul, and learn to treat themselves with respect, caring and
compassion. Inner safety and deep self worth are the results of
learning to treat oneself with love.
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